Totally Unnecessary Meditations

So here's the deal: I've self-published a book.  It's available on Amazon for use on Kindle e-readers.  It's called "Totally Unnecessary Meditations" and it's a book of pretty much totally unnecessary meditations.  I thought about a title with all kinds of hidden meanings and subtle word play and clever references and then I asked my friend Spandex what to call it and he pretty much came up with this name right away and I said: "Eh, that's not too bad" and I slapped it on the cover.  It was better than any of the names I came up with.  I've decided to pay him 50% of the total commissions earned on the sale of the first three books which adds up to pretty much nothing. The great thing about Amazon is they'll publish your shit for free - the bad thing is that they pay you shit as the publisher.

Hey, I'm pretty much totally tickled anybody reads this crap.  I'm saying this: you people are the best.  I'm also saying this: don't you have anything better to do with your time?  I didn't do this to make money.  I did this to try to weasel my way into the minds of everyone and pretty much become Total Ruler of The World.  If I wanted to make money I wouldn't have quit working so I could sit out on my porch, drool dribbling from my slack-jawed horse-faced visage.

I used the nom de plume of "Horseface Steve," the origin of which would be manifestly obvious if you saw me.  Think Secretariat or Seattle Slew on a bad mane day.  Think Brad Pitt wearing a horse-faced costume.  Think . . . OK, that's enough mildly amusing analogies.  Nom de plume means, literally, Name of Zee Pen, even though the origin of the word is Latin and not French. Mercenaries in France preferred Nom de Guerre, or War Name, which allowed them to go out and maraud through the countryside anonymously.  You wouldn't want anyone saying: "Hey, isn't that guy with the blood soaked mace Stanley from over on Thornton Drive?"  The British changed it to Nom de plume because they wanted a cool sounding name for pseudonym and also because they really hate the French and don't want to borrow anything from them

I'm already at work on my next book.  It's called "Bow Down, Everyone, and Worship Little Stevie Seaweed!"  Horseface Steve is so played out.

I'll let you know when it's up and running.