Alright Then

Alright:  All right; a spelling much used but still generally considered a substandard usage.


I was in a Starbucks today, enjoying my overpriced specialty coffee drink.  Unfortunately, for a man who professes to be pursuing a higher spiritual goal, the cost of this drink often makes it difficult for me to cough up a buck or two to give to someone less fortunate than me (and by "a buck or two" I mean "a buck").   Suddenly, a man came in, looked at the line of other people waiting to get their overpriced specialty drinks, and yelled: "I'm in a hurry."


Must have been a drunk.


I was in a Starbucks not long ago, with an overpriced specialty coffee drink that is sold on the retail coffee market, prices clearly marked on an overhead board, to a consumer (me -- I'm the consumer) who has chosen to pay the amount clearly listed on this board even though there are dozens of other coffee shops in the neighborhood and literally millions of other drink options available, including, I might add, making the same drink at home for what can't be more than ten cents or so, when a woman came into the store and used the bathroom.  It wasn't sudden at all.  She didn't purchase anything, which irritated me for a minute as I sat there reading a paper that I had taken off the paper rack and intended to put back without paying for when I was done reading it.  But then she walked over to the woman at the register and complained about the condition of the room.  


There's a comedian who relates the story of taking a temporary holiday job as a department store elf when he was young.  He did something to piss off a customer.
"I could report you to your manager," she sniffed.
He leaned in close.  "I could have you killed," he replied.


I'm not sure what I would have done with the bathroom complainer but "killed" or "maimed" might have been . . . might have been . . . in the offing.  This is why I don't work retail.  As a general rule I can't stand people.


"Stevie, could you work in the back storeroom?"  My manager would say.  "WAY in the back?  And close the door behind you."


I was in a Starbucks recently when  . . . do you think I spend too much time in Starbucks?  You might be right.  Anyway, the store is at the intersection of a couple of busy commercial streets and has no parking lot.  Folks who are getting drinks to go have to park along the street.  There are a lot of parking spots available but not always right, immediately in front of the store, inconveniencing important people who don't want to walk more than eight feet to purchase their overpriced specialty coffee drink.   At the corner of this busy intersection is a spot clearly marked with a sign that says: "No Parking.  Ever.  Not Ever.  Even If You're Handicapped Or Just Want To Stop In For A Minute To Get A Cup Of Coffee."  It's a pretty unusual sign but it's point is unequivocal.


So Important Guy pulls into the space this morning.  It really is a bad place to park.  It makes it difficult for people who want to make a right turn from busy street one onto busy street two.  He parks right in front of a cop, who follows him into the store.


"Excuse me," the cop says loudly and with authority.  "There are plenty of places to park.  You might want to move your car."


See, this would have pissed me off when I was drinking.  I don't like to be told what to do, whether that's where to park by a sign or where else to park by a cop.  I probably would have kept my mouth shut but I would have had a huge resentment all day.  I would have felt picked on.  I would have rationalized why I should be able to park illegally.  I would have felt abused if the cop had given me a ticket.  I might have suggested he go catch some bad guys and leave me alone.


I was in this Starbucks not long ago that's in a busy commercial area where parking is tight.  This store has a small parking lot.  There are several signs that say: "Parking for customers of this store only."  It's amazing how Important People pull in, park their car, then tootle off leisurely down the street, to shop elsewhere or to attend an important luncheon.


I was walking home from a Starbucks today.  A dude is coming toward me.
"Hey!  Can I ask you a question?" he says.


I don't know why people who clearly intend to ask you a question ask if they can ask the question.  One time I'm going to say: "No."  I bet they ask the question anyway.


"Sure!" I reply, cheerfully.  I had already had my cup of coffee.  A big one.


"I got a quarter in my pocket and I'm trying to get home.  I need like a dollar and ten cents for the bus."


I didn't point out that this is a bad amount to ask for.  Who has a dime?  You're getting a buck and that's it.  Why not ask for a buck eighty?  You might bet two.  This guy had not done due diligence on his market research.


I fished out a buck and handed it to him.


"Alright then," he said, moving on down the walk.


Alright then.