Beat Around the Bush

I like the fact that my friends in The Program call me on my nonsense.  They speak to me directly.  They don't beat around the bush.  They beat ON the bush, and I'm the bush.  I believe that their motives are usually good although I don't always like to hear what they have to say.  I was offended and shocked at their bluntness early on.  


When I'm not doing well I tend to give answers that gloss over the truth about how I'm really doing and to have the people I'm talking to patronize me with their response.  I don't want to expend the energy to really listen to anyone else and I don't want anyone else to really get to know me.  I have an impressive front to maintain and any honesty about setbacks or problems would sully my surface.


I think my friends want to know how I'm doing.  Really.  I think they really want to hear the truth when they ask me a question.  I don't think they want to hear me bitch on and on about something forever but I also think they don't like it when I try to gloss over my problems.  My favorite response to any inquiries after my well being used to be: "Fine."  Some of us think this is an acronym for Screwed-Up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Evasive.  It can be a good answer if you indeed are feeling fine.  It's dishonest if you aren't.  No one can be helped if they refuse to admit they have a problem.


When things didn't go well my dad would get angry and go out, and my mom would assure me that everything was OK.  So I learned to get mad and run away or to pretend that everything was fine.  My first sponsor told the story of coming inside with a cut knee, crying, when he was a little boy.  His father said: "You're OK" and his mother said: "It doesn't hurt."  Maybe it was the other way around.  The point is that it did hurt and he wasn't OK.  


People are listening when you speak.