Those Poor People

It sure is easy to blame our families for all of our problems.  They’re an attractive target: accessible, convenient, in possession of well-established quirks and defects of long standing fame.  They know how to push our buttons and we know how to push theirs.  

And in a lot of cases – most cases, probably – these people have done some damage.  After all, they’re fallible people just like us.  Some families are train wrecks, too, with active addiction and alcoholism and all kinds of other problems.  Some of us grew up in horrific circumstances and have suffered mightily as a result.

I was at a meeting once where someone was complaining mightily about their parents, and everyone was piling on, as we so love to do, and an old-timer said: "You know, when I start getting resentful about my parents I realize that I wasn't such a great son myself."  This was a great reminder that there is only one person we can work on.

I often wonder how difficult and perplexing it must have been trying to raise a nut job like me.  I got depressed and euphoric and my moods were all over the place.  I demanded so much and was so ungrateful.  I think my folks were just bailing water, trying to keep the row boat from sinking.  I don't think there was much nuance in my upbringing.  I think they were flailing about, trying to minimize the damage I was doing.


It was damage control.