Prayer and Medication

One of the big challenges in my life has been to overcome my need to understand everything.

"How does The Program work to get me sober, exactly?" I asked, early on. It sounded like a bunch of bullshit to me. I didn't see how it could possibly work.

"Come back tomorrow," someone said. "We'll tell you tomorrow."

Thus began my life-long journey of taking things on faith, repeating some simple action until the results become apparent. Usually I don't see the point of whatever pointless exercise I am being told to do until long after the point is clear.

Last night a couple of guys pointed out, none too gently, that there is a lot of advice to be found in our literature. There is, after all, a long section in the Big Book and an entire chapter in the 12 & 12 devoted to prayer and meditation. The second longest chapter, actually.

"Why don't you open up your books and do some reading," someone suggested, "instead of sitting around complaining about it."


Most of my progress has come about as a result of work and not thought. I get up every morning and have a Quiet Time. Early on I mostly prayed because The Committee was still extremely active. It was doing a lot of loud shrieking and bouncing wildly from topic to topic. Meditation was laughable at that point. Now I try to meditate more, mostly because when I pray I end up asking for things I want that aren't good for me and that I don't need, or suggesting that god help this or that person in a very specific way that probably isn't good for them.

Most of the time what I actually do is fall asleep or daydream. A lot of bosses have been killed during my less successful sessions. I have dazzled packed stadiums with my guitar work and spent my Super Lotto winnings on fancy sports cars and the things I've done to supermodels . . . well, they're some things, all right.


God (or as I like to call god: god-god) gives me a lot of credit for trying.