The Latin Experience

Efficient: Producing the desired effect or result with a minimum of effort, expense, or waste; working well; competent.

One of the best things about traveling is that I get to see how other cultures do things. I'm very German: organized, efficient, a well-oiled machine tirelessly stamping out snow-blower parts. I'm a high speed train right on schedule. 9 o'clock means 9 o'clock. Wait your turn. Stand in line. Don't just throw your crack pipe or used syringe on the ground -- there's a garbage receptacle right there!

Then I go someplace where things don't work that smoothly. My problems start when I try to make them work my way. My inclination is not to go with the flow. My inclination is to build a highly engineered flow control system and MAKE THE FLOW GO WHERE I WANT IT TO GO. My vacation was someplace where things usually happened, sort of, somewhere in the vicinity of the place they were supposed to happen, at fairly random times.

Can I get my check, please? I've been done eating for 18 seconds.


My favorite incident revolved around an island ferry. Information in my room indicated that the ferry would return from Isla de Mujeres (Woman Island -- isn't that a great name?) at 2:30. We show up at the dock at 2:15, being good Germans, to find out that the next ferry was actually at 3:30. We were standing under a wooden sign that read: "Next Ferry: 2:00," despite the fact that time had come and done went. To complicate matters further there was a full list of ferry times hanging on the wall indicating a ferry would depart every 30 minutes. There were no exceptions for any days or times of the year listed. It started to rain. We didn't have raincoats.

At around 3:30 three ferries heading to three different locations show up, none bearing any markings of a final destination. People crowded forward into a large holding pen, forming lines at random. No one was speaking English. I tried to trot out my Spanish but probably asked for a transvestite lounge singer if the look on the attendant's face was any indication. We figured we had a one in three chance of ending up where we wanted to go.


One day we joined a bunch of people on a tour bus for a trip to a Mayan ruin. The pick up process had gone badly and some people were grumbling a bit. The nice lady who was the tour guide apologized, then tossed out a few bon mots:

"You know, there are millions of people who want to be on vacation and can't go. My mother told me that when you get angry that the only person you hurt is yourself, so why get angry?"


Man, does that sound like The Program. Maybe some people just get it.