I'm Faster Than Myself

A woman newly sober brought up the topic at my meeting last night. She is having trouble feeling comfortable in her own skin, basically. Imagine that: an alcoholic having trouble sitting still. She is impatient with everything. She's worried that she's not being productive; she wondered why it's taking so long for her life to improve. Another perpetual motion machine set for maximum production.

The recovery part of the topic revolved around trying to figure out the motive behind the motion. A lot of the time the problem is that we can't stand being alone with our thoughts. I can take a normal activity and warp it into an unrecognizable shape if I'm not careful. As an example, it's one thing to exercise: it's good for me, it relieves stress, and burns off nervous energy. It's another thing altogether to exercise compulsively. If I feel that I haven't gone longer, harder, faster when I work out, I'm running from me, and I do not have a good track record of running faster than myself. If I'm thinking about how to knock out the next task while I'm exercising, I'm moving because I'm afraid to sit still.

Sometimes when I'm walking around with the Earth People, I feel really out of place. They seem to get it. They don't seem to be trying to run out of their own skin. Then I go to a meeting and listen to my brothers and sisters talk and I feel right at home. I feel normal-ish.

There has to be a lot of drunks at that club.