Oh, Brother, Pleeeeeease . . .

I decided to add a short guided meditation to my morning routine.  It's going okay.  It's not going great; it's going okay.  There is a lot of breathiness to it as if we're marveling at a child looking at a flower.  Everything is to be done slowly, gently, there's a lot of reminders to do something "when you're ready" and we're always being "invited" to do something: "Now, if you're ready, I invite you to slowly open your eyes."  Hey, if I want to open my fucking eyes I'm going to snap them open whether you like it or not.  There's much concentration on lights and energy of different kinds, usually glowing or pulsing and surrounding me or flowing over me or oozing up and through me, starting at the soles of my feet and blasting out the top of my head.  I'm trying to meditate and there's a bunch of pulsing, golden, vibrant light flowing all over the place?  I'll tell you - it's distracting.  It's intimidating.  It's vaguely threatening.   Chakras are mentioned often - whatever those are - and grounding myself on Mother Earth is a huge theme.  Everybody talks about a full body scan: "Start at your feet, then into your ankles, etc etc."  I like the ways they dance around the groin area: pelvis, sitting bones (my personal favorite), hips, etc.  It's kind of prurient and somewhat titillating to have a pulsing energy dancing around my junk.

Here's the bio of of someone I listened to today: "Angelique is a Soul Mentor exploring the wonders of integrating Soul magic to illuminate our everyday life with intuitive wisdom, grace, and joy.  Angelique hosts Circle of the Golden light - Angels and Ascended Masters, and is the creator of Intuitive Intelligence Tapping, working to create a greater awareness of the gifts of Soul.  She is a Reiki Master and a certified Spiritual  Director within the Post Graduate Program of the Institute of Intuitive Intelligence."

Yeah, that's right: The Institute of Intuitive Intelligence.  I looked that one up.  It featured the founder who had huge bazookas which were on display via low-cut tops in every image.  It looked kind of lewd to be honest about it.  Angelique, the creator of Intuitive Intelligence Tapping, which is something Eddie Van Halen came up with first, is a featured performer.  I'm not going to go into the specifics of the tapping that was a big part of the meditation I did this morning.  It reminded me of that exercise where you have to pat your stomach at the same time you're moving the other hand in a circular movement on top of your head.  The location provided by Google Maps was somewhere in Kazakhistan.  There were a lot of well-fed, well-dressed women on the site, none of them of Kazaki origin.

I'm clearly having some snarky fun here at the expense of the Institute of Spooky Intelligence.  Generally, I don't make fun of too many things that are connected to spiritual growth.  Maybe this stuff helps some people.  Great, I say, great.  My mind was open and I tried it and I don't believe it's going to be a regular part of my spiritual practice.  No harm in trying and nothing the matter with moving on.  Maybe tapping your forehead and your heart chakra and your groinal spirit will work for you!