Here's my daily Gratitude List. I say this every morning and I try to pay attention when I say it. I try to think closely about these items. I try not to think about other things and I try to really consider the implications of what's on the list. As I've said many times: I'm not a naturally grateful person so I've had to work at developing gratitude. Work at it. My progress has often been slow. It's hard to internalize gratitude when you're not prone to be grateful. So many things in life can be improved with the saying "Fake it until you make it." For the longest time I pretended to be grateful, I acted as if I was grateful even when I wasn't, until it became part of the natural rhythm of my thinking. I was grateful and not just pretending to be grateful. As I've also said many times: those of us who see threats and problems are pretty good at surviving what can be a tricky existence so this wariness and skepticism has kept me alive and fed and protected while those idiots always looking on the bright side of things blissfully stumble into a running buzz saw.
I'm grateful that I'm healthy. Relatively healthy. I'm 67 so there are aches and pains and earlier bedtimes and longer naps but I don't have any cancers or weird afflictions or syndromes and no family history of dementia or diabetes or any other serious disease. Now, I take good care of myself by eating right and exercising and getting enough rest and maintaining an active social life - all good things but no guarantee of a long life.
I'm grateful SuperK is healthy for all the same reasons. No one wants to take care of an ailing spouse. Both of us would and may have to some day but we're both trying to minimize the possibility.
I'm grateful for my marriage. 35 years coming up. That's a long time. I'm grateful to be paired with a woman I love but - maybe even as importantly - with a woman I like. I love a lot of people. I'm good at loving people. But I'm not nearly as good at liking people. It's a blessings to enjoy someone's company and to have a similar view of the world, what's interesting and what's not.
I'm grateful for all the people who were involved in my upbringing - my parents especially. I can bitch and moan about how I didn't get what I really needed, how they failed me, but I turned out okay. They couldn't have been that defective and who really has any idea how to raise children? There's no manual. You can't rehearse. The product varies wildly. It was pointed out by a wiser head who had tired of my complaining about what I didn't get from my family: "Can you imagine what a nightmare it must have been trying to raise a walking, talking train-wreck bullshit machine such as yourself?" You know . . . fair enough and good point.
I'm grateful for all the friends I've had/still have in my life, friends who contribute so much to the richness of my existence. Friends that I've known since I was a boy; close friends with whom I've lost touch and close friends I've become reacquainted with; new friends, fresh friends; friends that I used to admire but no longer do and some that used to get on my last nerve that I'm still close with; and that huge, huge group of people who naturally cycle in and out of our lives. So is live. My love is big and wide-ranging. It's not one size or one type or one intensity. It runs hot and it runs cold. But it's still my love.
Finally, at the end and almost as an afterthought, I ponder my carnal, material blessings. I have a nice, comfortable house that I own. While it's not the nicest house I ever lived in it's a damn nice, comfortable house and it faces South so it soaks up all the beautiful SoCal sunshine. I have two nice cars and they're both paid for. I really like cars so I was constantly saving up to buy the one that was just a tiny bit faster than the one I was driving but I finally have a car that I can't in good conscience replace. It has been dependable and has no miles on it and I love to drive it. And then, after years of living on the edge of financial distress, worrying about making enough money to keep me in quarts of Colt 45, good weed, and cigarettes, I have some money in the bank. I don't worry about money. I would love to have more money than I have, of course, but I could get by on less than I'm spending now. I have always loved the fact that when the topic of gratitude comes up in a meeting Stuff is always pretty far down the list.
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