Yesterday I was ensared and tangled up with this dude from Alcoholics Anonymous who just gets on my nerves, Big Time and in a major way. It's not that he's a bad guy but that I simply find him incredibly annoying, and I'm not even saying he is annoying but that I find him annoying. He's one of those people who has no touch for the art of teasing. His attempts come across as grating and inappropriate and they really bug the shit out of me. It makes me consider my dry sense of humor and why I get away with it and he doesn't. If you want to give someone good-natured shit then you'd better be able to do it in a way that oozes good will and kindness. I'm quite careful to read the reaction I get when I do it and I rarely get a defensive response and when I do - or when I even think that I do - I immediately clear the air with the person involved. I think I come across as sort of a goofy, harmless hipster dufus most of the time so offense is rarely taken. I found myself yesterday reacting in a completely defensive manner when normally when someone is letting me have it I go ahead and contribute to the abuse. If I take myself too seriously I'd better leave others alone.
Anyone, after a bunch of confusing instructions and attempts to meet up using delayed text messages he finally caught up with me outside his house, motioned for me to get in his car, which I declined quickly and with extreme prejudice. I'm often reminded of the important advice given to me as I was getting started in recovery to never go to a party where drinking was involved withoutr escape route. Off we go. Inexplicably, he stops at a newly remodeled botique hotel in town, parking in the Valet Only Zone and waving off my concerns, then takes me inside to meet the woman working the front desk, greeting her like an old friend when she clearly wonders who this guy is and why he's bothering her. I think my friend had a brief, spectacular success as a real estate agent during a boom period long ago and he imagines himself as a player yet today, always name-dropping and booster-izing the area. I found it off-putting and so did this lovely woman, who was clearly taken aback when he tried to grab a cup of coffee from the urns reserved for guests. I offered to pay for the coffee and I thought we were supposed to be going out for fucking coffee, for fuck's sake, so why were we stopping here and trying to get free coffee that was meant for the guests? "The coffee's empty," he said. "And the tea's cold." Relentless.
Finally, we head downtown to a coffee shop, passing two other coffee shops on the way and foregoing the fucking coffee shop across the street from his house, for fuck's sake. On the short walk from the parking lot he talks on his cell phone. He does not talk to me. Inside, he orders a coffee and I order a roll. "I know you're going to use a card," he says, handing me a dollar bill. (Note to everyone - if you invite someone out for coffee pay for the fucking coffee.) I give the bemused barista my Visa card for the $13 bill and he hands me two more singles. I look at them. I look at him. I drop them in the tip jar.
I spend a lot of time with really great people in recovery and it's often quite enjoyable. This isn't only because of the recovery aspect, either, although that's important, but because I enjoy the friendships. When I'm in a situation where I'm pondering why I'm hanging around someone irritating I often remind myself that we're complicated, damaged people trying to do better and that I have an obligation, a debt to repay, for the people who took the time to help me get sober when I was just as irritating and because it helps me become a more compassionate person by listening to people when I don't want to. I cringe still today when I think about some of the things I said and some of the behavior I exhibited early in my recovery. Hell, I'm an asshole about 40% of the time today so I can only imagine how obnoxious I was back then. This man is a sensitive guy who's made a lot of progess in his recovery, IMO. I just don't like him. It's OK. I don't have to like everybody.
Step 27: Don't give someone $3 when the bill is $13 before tip. Never do this to someone you've invited to coffee. It gives them the impression that the main goal is to get a free cup of coffee. Especially when you've stopped in a hotel that you're not staying at and couldn't afford to stay at, anyway, and tried to take some of their coffee for free.
Just a very weird experience. I believe I behaved pretty well. I was agog inside but I believe my actions were good. I'll tell you this - I'm backing away from this dude in the future as if he's the walking, talking bubonic plague. Whew.
No comments:
Post a Comment