I need to achieve a balance between socializing and solitude. If I'm around others day in and day out, I'll never learn what it feels like to be by myself. Likewise, if I'm isolated a lot, I'll never learn what it's like to be around others. I'll be like a feral cat - I'll stay away from someone who has some cat food. I won't get hurt but I'll stay hungry. My recovery depends on a sound balance between the two.
Fucking balance . . . I'm tired of hearing about balance. Whose great idea was balance, anyway? I'm much more interested in probling the scary outer limits of everything. Balance. Grrrr . . . .
My old buddy the Dalai Lama wants to chime in this morning on the topic of meditation: "Do not let your mind think on what has happened in the past, nor let it chase after things that might happen in the future; rather, leave the mind vivid, without any constructions, just as it is. If a thought comes, just look into its very nature, and the concept will lose its power and dissolve of its own accord. Sometimes, with exertion, you can prevent a thought from fully forming. More likely, though, thoughts will dissolve as they form, and even when they do come, they will not be powerful."
The other thing that irritates me about this recovery thing is that the instructions we're given seem to be ephemeral. They twist in the wind, they come and go, you do this, sort of, then maybe you try that, and don't bitch because it's the exact opposite of what you've heard before. When you meditate, as I understand the process, you aren't trying to control your thoughts, just watch them come and go. But then the word "exertion" comes into play. So what is it I'm doing? Exerting myself? Or just watching shit float in and out? Dammit!
No comments:
Post a Comment