California Dreamin'

Balance:  A condition in which different elements are in correct proportions; having the right amount - not too much or too little - of any quality, which leads to harmony or evenness.

Many times our recovery will seem like it's proceeding at a snail's pace.  Our potential for growth is a result of effort we put into it and the time we give it.  The steady regulation of time forces growth to be gradual and balanced.  For growth to be good, it must stand the test of time.

I often walk after the Saturday meeting with a younger guy - a good dude, a dude I respect, a dude with a big Program - who is not a sponsee but I think he looks to me as a mentor or minor league, fill-in sponsor or a voice of wisdom or reason or as someone who is so stupid that I won't be able to see how awful his behavior  is.  We sometimes talk about women in recovery.  And men in recovery who are interested in women in recovery.  And how sometimes - not often but it's not unheard of - the occasional bad actor will take advantage of a woman who may be hurting or lonely or confused.  And I'm not going to suggest this is a one way street - there are plenty of wack-o females in The Rooms as well who mislead and toy with men - but men are conditioned socially to pursue women they find attractive.  As SuperK says: "I'm married - I'm not dead."

Anyway, my friend has commented on the charms of this young woman who has been with us for about five months.  She looks like a poster child for California and has a very sweet, kind personality.  A few weeks back I saw him speaking to her after the meeting - this woman and her cute sponsor - and I gave him a little shit about it in a good natured way.  Then today, after the meeting ended and I was talking to some friends, I saw him approach her again and they appeared to exchange phone numbers.  As he was walking out I sauntered over and turned both of my hands palms-up as if to say: "What the fuck?"  I was smiling.  Kinda.  He said jokingly: "I don't want to talk about it" and walked outside.

A bit later I passed him on my beach walk and he stopped me: "I've been running down here wondering how I can explain my behavior to you and I decided I'd just lie."  He was laughing but still . . . it wasn't all that funny, if you think about it.  "I'm smitten," he said.  I get it.  This girl is cute and he's been married a long time and he's been sober about seven years which is when we start to think "Really?  This is all there is?" and I think she's a pretty trusting individual, especially in A.A. where a number of us older guys have treated her with a lot of consideration and respect so far.  It's okay to be attracted to forbidden fruit and to fantasize occasionally about things we want but can't have.  We need to overcome these urges.  This is how we grow.

Be interesting to see how my buddy behaves.  He seemed contrite, abashed, embarrassed.  I hope so.  I don't hang with guys who are two-timing their significant others.