No One Is Paying Attention To Me

 I showed up late for the meeting this morning.  It wasn't an oversight or because of car or traffic problems.  My alarm worked fine.  I didn't sleep through my alarm.  I was simply enjoying sitting in my office in my lounge wear and I left late.  It was all quite deliberate.  I know it's important to hear How It Works and the Traditions being read before the meeting but after seven or eight thousand times I figure I can miss it not and then without losing my mind.  Friday is a 12 & 12 study and we're on the Traditions right now.  I personally  love reading the Traditions - the firm bedrock on which good meetings are built - but they can be a tough share for a lot of people, especially newcomers.  Consequently, there were a bunch of long silences so I violated one of my rules - You Don't Get To Share If You Can't Get Here On Time.  Frankly, I violate rules all the time.  Rules are not for me.  Rules are for suckers and losers.

I said this, more or less: "Normally I don't share if I'm late but what can I tell ya?  I'm gonna share anyway."  After the meeting this dude comes over - not a new dude but sort of new and a little off center in a general sense, if you know what I mean.  I like him well enough and we get along fine.  He says: "Look, I gotta call you out here.  I thought that was pretty harsh what you did to that dude today."

I said something snappy like: "Huh?" or maybe it was "Whuzzit?"  It's not often that I get tongue-tied but my tongue was tied.  

"I don't know what you mean," I finally replied, cleverly.

"What you said to that guy who showed up late.  I don't think it's cool to call someone out like that in the meeting."

Oh, it all became clear.

"I was talking about me.  I was the guy who showed up late."

He was very apologetic.  In fact, he said that he didn't even know that I was late which shows, once again, just how little other people are paying attention to me.  I was not offended.  I told him: "Look, if I'm acting like an asshole I want to hear about it.  Half the time when I'm being a jerk I don't realize it."  I did check with a couple of my friends who were quite clear what I was doing, just to make sure.

Tomorrow I think I'll get there early.  See if that dude notices.