Regretful Karma, Kramer

Regret:  To feel sorry about (a thing that has or has not happened); to wish that a thing had not happened, that something else had happened instead.

So many of us in The Fellowship have similar defects and strengths and attitudes about life that I can get swept up into over-simplified generalizations or a narrow, one-sided view of myself.  In a way - in a much better way - it reminds me of the old days, sitting around in a bar with a bunch of other drunks, slapping each other on the back and trying to convince ourselves that we were doing great, that it was the world that was messed up.  This is a huge drawback of  considering things from a single point of view.  Even after some time in The Program I still get irritated when it's suggested that I'm not doing a thing right but the difference today is that I'm stimulated to approach the thing with an open-ish mind.

The series of conversations that I have with my previously mentioned, distinctly non-alcoholic old friend are more important to me than I realize.  In many ways he and I are similar men facing life with a similar set of tools and attitudes.  More importantly - and germane to this flight of fancy -  we have some significant personality differences that cause us to approach situations with a very different mindset.  He has an extroverted personality and relies a lot on feelings and hunches while I'm more the introvert and a true, dispassionate, cold-hearted realist with an absolute faith in facts and figures.  He'll face a problem, think deeply on it, consider the pros and cons, then, more often than not, make an a gut decision based on his feel of the situation, often tormented as to whether or not he has made the right decision.  He regrets and second-guesses if he doesn't get the result he thinks he should get.

I, on the other hand, read and study and ponder and bounce ideas off of people, put together spread sheets and documents with neat columns listing the pros and cons of the situation, then I make a decision.  I rarely regret these decisions.  I'm not suggesting that - in hindsight - I wouldn't have made a different decision, just that I did the best I could with the tools I had at the time.  I guess I don't regret my actions very often, a word that implies that I wish something else had happened instead.  While this allows me a freedom to make a decision - not overly concerned that a different choice may have led to an outcome more to my liking - with a relaxed attitude and a clear conscience, it also can force me to stand on the deck of a swamped and sinking ship overly long.

"Look," I'll say.  "I'm not changing.  I've done the research.  I don't care if my ass is on fire - I'm sticking to my guns here so you can put that bucket of water away."

I am grateful for The Fellowship with its emphasis on keeping an open mind.  It has made me   . . . well, more peaceful, this open minded thing.  I don't believe that it's possible to call life's bluffs all of the time.  Sometimes I just don't get what I want or - even worse - I get what I don't want.  I'm afflicted with a boil or head lice.  Both of these outcomes are both distressing but inevitable.  It has led to a belief that life is kind of a compromise.  I get a lot of good stuff and I avoid a lot of bad stuff, just not all of it and not all of the time.

" . . . for he makes his sun rise on the bad and the good, and causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust."

Well, that hardly seems fair.  That is a bullshit rule.

Karma:  A force or law of nature which causes one to reap what one sows.

Yeah, that seems more like it.  Punish the evil bastards.

I am grateful for my religious upbringing and my ongoing constant application of prayer and meditation to the trials of life.  This also helps me maintain a nice perspective.  I don't agonize overly much on things because I believe mistakes are inevitable and that all will work out in the long run.

It is what it is.  This is great advice except when it makes me want to . . . totally . . . lose . . . my shit.