The Dark

Death:   The cessation of life and all associated processes; the end of an organism's existence as an entity independent from its environment and its return to an inert, nonliving state.   

Die: To stop living; to become dead; to undergo death.

I confess to owning a highly developed dark side.  I protest when it's pointed out that I'm all dark side, but I don't protest too much.  I can see the dark.  I can see into the dark.  I can see the dark up ahead.

My favorite movie is "Apocalypse Now."  My high school required that each student complete a huge research paper - the dreaded "Junior Paper" - prior to moving on to Senior year.  My research topic was "The Effects of Allied Bombing on Nazi Germany In WWII."  I was 17 when I chose this topic.  Who knows why this I did this - I could have chosen any topic under the sun?  No, seriously, I'm asking if anyone knows why I did and why I do this?

I'm sure I've got some hard-wiring that predisposes me to the dark.  I'm sure I absorbed some of the general dark theory that my mom and dad dished out.  I'm sure that all of the unfavorable outcomes that arose from my drinking and drug use caused me to trend dark. But it's not like I ever had anything really crappy happen to me that would warp a naturally sunny disposition to one that ponders instead All That Could Go Wrong.

We talk in The Fellowship about the efficacy of the Gratitude List.  We are encouraged to write  down all the shit that we should be grateful for and then read what we've written regularly, lest we forget to be grateful.  When someone leading a meeting suggests the topic of gratitude an audible groan is heard.  In The Fellowship we try to discuss The Solution and not wallow in The Problem but it sure is a lot more fun talking about what's going wrong instead of what needs to be done to fix it. 

So I guess I'm not alone.

I'm going to step outside for a moment - the sunset is incredible.