Amplifiers

I got a friend who drinks casually.  He'll have a beer or two at a bar, maybe a couple glasses of wine during dinner, which does not have the effect on him that it has on me.  To wit - he doesn't become an idiot or get arrested or take a swing at someone or throw up on the table, that kind of stuff.  He does, however, become slightly less interesting - sillier rather than wittier.  He is more fun to be around when he's stone cold sober.  It's another one of those perspective-makers for me.  I thought I was fucking hilarious when I was drinking.  I'm pretty sure I wasn't hilarious.  I'm pretty sure I was annoying. 

There was a young woman at the meeting today who shared a story about trying to go out to dinner with several housemates from her recovery home.  She was hilarious and she really wasn't trying to be, unfortunately.  It sounded like herding a whole lot of cats.  Cats on LSD.  All of the herding had the effect of amping up the anxiety that so many alcoholics are prone to get amped up by.  I spoke with her for a bit after the meeting, aware that my recent severe bout of panic and fear made me uniquely qualified to talk to her from a position of experience and empathy.

All in all, I'd rather have been clueless about what she was going through.  Blissfully clueless.  That "pain is the touchstone of all spiritual progress" bullshit really sticks in my craw sometimes.