Knitters and Shovelers

Shovel: To move materials with a shovel; to move with a shoveling motion.

Ah, the blessing and the curse of the need to Be Productive.  To produce something as the result of an effort.

Productive: Yielding good or useful results.

When I lived in the cold part of the country from time to time there would be a heavy snowfall that would temporarily paralyze the city.  It was kind of nice watching the snowflakes swirl down, coating everything in a new, lovely blanket of snow, pure white, smooth and unmarked.  We'd hunker down in the house, no need to venture out for a few days.  SuperK would absolutely love it.  "Snow Day!" she'd shout.  She'd bring out puzzle books and movies and a big basket of knitting and while away a few hours, free from the obligations that normally filled so much of her time.

I, on the other hand, would read a little, watch half a movie, then start to get restless.  I'd eye the driveway that needed shoveling.  I'd ponder the chores and errands on my to do list, aggravated at the weather that was fucking up my plans.  I'd begin to dance around the house, glaring angrily at the White Death sealing me into my tomb of unproductive misery.  I never seemed to be able to go with the flow and enjoy a few hours of enforced inactivity.

So part of this is the way I'm put together.  I HATE doing things that don't feel worthwhile to me.  I wish sometimes I wasn't like this.  I wish I could go with the flow.  I wish I could let water run off of my back something ducks can do, apparently, with no effort whats over.  I wish I could do this even though water flowing on my back can be pleasant if I'm cold and dirty and the water is hot.  I am not an easy-going, light-hearted, devil-may-care chap.  I'm a heavy, ponderous, dark shape moving through the night.  That's what I am.

In fact, I loathe people who have cheery, sunny dispositions.  I mean where do they get off with that kind of bullshit attitude?  Who the fuck do they think they are, anyway?  This is serious shit we're involved with.

Alright, gotten off track here from what I wanted to say, distracted by all of these content people suggesting that I have a nice day.  To that I say: Have a nice day elsewhere.

So here I am, a Type A individual who is retired.

Type A behavior is expressed through three major symptoms: (1) free-floating hostility, which can be triggered by even minor incidents; (2) time urgency and impatience, which causes irritation and exasperation usually described as being "short-fused"; and (3) a competitive drive, which causes stress and an achievement-driven mentality. The first of these symptoms is believed to be covert and therefore less observable, while the other two are more overt.

The trick for me at this point in my life is going to be to find things that make me feel productive.