CONSTRUCTIVE Criticism

Criticize:  To find fault.  (Ed. Note: That definition gets down to business, real quick like.)

So I gave a lead last night, or I qualified or told my story: what it was like, what happened, and what it's like now.  As a general rule I'm not a big fan of speaker meetings - I can barely stay focused when I'm speaking, a fact that doesn't speak well to my ability to pay attention when other people are speaking.  One of the great rules of writing is you are not nearly as interesting to others as you are to yourself.  I think I dozed off a couple of times on my feet last night.  Why someone would voluntarily come to what could be a perfectly good meeting to listen to someone drone on and on about themselves is beyond my ability to comprehend.  Plus, the meeting started at 8:30 which is past my bedtime although they had cake AND cookies.

I gave my little spiel and sat down.  A few people thanked me for talking but most just drifted out, on to live their lives, as they should - I'm under no illusion that what I say is any better or any worse than anyone else.  We're drunks, not professional speakers or comedians working out their bits.  The first speaker was a young woman with just a little sobriety, clearly very nervous, and she was great which speaks to the fact that it's not the length of sobriety - it's the quality that matters.

A dude I know somewhat came over and, without preliminaries, criticized my effort.  He started out by saying that I needed speak more loudly which stopped me in my tracks.  I was literally speechless.  I have a big voice and I've been criticized many, many times for talking too loudly, never for not talking loud enough.  This guy's a bit of a flake and his criticism was without venom but still, I can't ever remember being schooled on my lead.  If I hear someone who really sucks as a speaker I still thank them.  It's not easy to get up in front of a group of people and speak off the cuff for 45 minutes.

The assault continued.  I had concentrated on my recovery and not on my exploits that led me to seek my recovery, using some of our literature to read a few sentences that have really spoke to me lately.  My self-appointed mentor said that he had given a lead a few times using the same technique and blah, blah, blah, what people really want is to laugh.  He shared an exchange we had a while back on family and said it made him laugh and that would have been a better approach.

I didn't try to explain that what might be appropriate in a more intimate setting might not be appropriate in front of a large group.

I put my arm around him.

"You know that I'm going to do whatever the hell I want?" I remarked.

"Oh, absolutely," he laughed.