Always With The Loopholes

Seemingly:  To appearances; apparently.

I rang up Willie the other day to go over my behavior and my motives with my family - as usual, he was mildly helpful, probably because he had drifted off somewhere nicer when I was talking.  Tit for tat, so to speak.  Our conversation included a discussion of my near-death sponsor and I was taken aback when he said that he would pray for him.  Funny, this Program: I talk all the time to profane, irreverent guys, picking apart the world in venomous detail, but not really meaning it deep down inside.  Still,  I'm sometimes surprised when the real Willie or LWSJ or Seaweed comes out.  I don't know why this is - we're all working good Programs which means we're doing things that run counter to our way-cool outer personas.

"Of course, the guy prays," I thought.  "Why would I assume anything but?"

Nobody asks me to talk for months and then this week I give a full hour lead, help out on a panel at a recovery house, and am on tap to kick things off with a 5 minute talk at both my Wed and Sat meetings.  I figure I'm so spiritual that I'm becoming a charismatic presence all over Vacation City or I'm so fucked up that people are doing whatever they can to get me to meetings.

I read from the books.  I can't imagine that anyone wants to listen to me pour over the excruciating minutiae of my boring life for more than 30 seconds.  

Here's what's on tap for tonight, right outta the book:

"Or, if my disturbance was seemingly caused by the behavior of others, why do I lack the ability to accept conditions I cannot change?"  (Ed. Note: love the use of "seemingly."  Even our founders were looking for a loophole).

"The moment we ponder a broken or twisted relationship with another person, our emotions go on the defensive.  To escape looking at the wrongs we have done another, we resentfully focus on the wrong he has done us. . . .   Let's remember that alcoholics are not the only ones bedeviled by sick emotions."

"Finally we begin to see that all people, including ourselves, are to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently wrong, and then we approach true tolerance and see what real love for our fellows actually means."

All good stuff, yeah.