The Agony

Agony:  Pain so extreme as to cause writhing or contortions of the body . . .; extreme pain of mind or body; anguish; paroxysm of grief. 

I went to my regular men's meeting last night.  This group is a joy - good sobriety and a bunch of guys that I connect with on a personal level.  When I'm in such an environment I can forget what I'm dealing with, exactly.

I was involved in an email string with a group of friends from high school when the name of a classmate came up.  This was a guy that I had spent a lot of time with when I was running and gunning.  While it's up to each individual to decide if they are an alcoholic or not I'll say this: I didn't meet too many people who could keep up with me in the Budweiser department but this guy matched me drink for drink.

He is a lawyer who has had his license suspended for embezzling money from his firm.  Apparently he had also accepted money from clients to represent them in cases that had no legal merit - in effect lying about what their chances for a favorable verdict.

I looked him up on the web.  There was a picture of him taken when he was arrested.  He did not look good.  In fact, he was barely recognizable as the good-looking kid I ran around with.  He had The Look that alcoholics are so familiar with: the bloated, pallid face of someone who has a liver that's doing a lousy job of removing the poison alcohol from the bloodstream.

There was also a link from just a few day ago showing a hearing in front of the State Supreme  Court to determine if he should lose his law license forever.  My friend's lawyer was not in a strong position.  He kept saying things like " while we admit that the facts in this case are without dispute."  He was not trying to get my friend's license reinstated - he was just trying to prevent it from being revoked forever.  And while I'm not a lawyer it seemed to me that the prosecuting attorney was scoring from everywhere on the court: he was hitting threes, posting down low, jamming on big break-outs.

When the choice is between disbarment and indefinite suspension . . . well, those are two pretty crappy choices.  What would you do if you won?  Slap high fives and say: "Yoo hoo - indefinite suspension possibly leading to permanent disbarment in the future?  In your FACE."  I can't imagine sitting in front of a group of my colleagues who had attained the pinnacle of success in my profession, listening to someone explain in excruciating detail how I had committed a series of felonies.  I cannot imagine it.

I couldn't watch the 35 minute video straight through the first time - I kept fast-forwarding, each time ending up at another painful interlude.  It was one of the most upsetting things I had seen in a good little while.