Selfish

Selfish:  Holding one's self-interest as the standard for decision making; having regard for oneself above others' well-being. 

The cat has got my tongue.

I have booked a ticket on a jet airplane to return to The Old City.  I should look up all of the crap I wrote the last time I went home and simply cut-and-paste it into this space.  I don't think I'm making too much progress in this arena - I don't think I'm behaving too badly, either, but I haven't moved past all of the petty gripes and grievances and bitchings that plague my thinking. I'm in about the same spot.  As a general rule I like to be moving forward - maybe not all at once but so that the general trend is onward and upward and not down, down, down, into the Ring of Fire.

I don't really want to go back.  I like where I am very much.  I'm very comfortable here.  I don't really miss my family too terribly and I don't think they miss me.  I know they say they miss me when they try to get me to come back but I don't trust their motives.  I don't think they even know what their motives are, to be honest about it.

They're very comfortable spending my money for me.  They seem vexed if I bring up the topic of how much of my money I'm spending, preferring to concentrate on the amount of my money I spend on things other than going someplace I don't want to go.  I've been coached to look closely at my behavior when someone else's opinion vexes me and, frankly, I can see where they're coming from.  I'm much more comfortable spending my money on me than on someone else - which I believe is the definition of selfish - but I can also see that they spend plenty of money on themselves while offering not one red cent to help me get home.  Of course, I don't even need the money to get home but the vexing point is I don't want to spend it anyhow.

Can you see the seeds of A Resentment being sown?  Can you see me watering and fertilizing it with loving care, nurturing it into full flower?

I'm analyzing what The Right Action is.  I believe it is to make this trip home otherwise why would I have booked a ticket?  I don't know.