Frank of Assisi

Today I have been pondering the famous Saint Francis of Assisi and his famous prayer, much beloved by The Fellowship, if by "pondering" you mean "thinking about it fleetingly and in passing while doing eight other things."  The part I like most describes the power and beauty of loving rather than being loved, understanding instead of being understood, and doing something else instead of having that thing happen to you.  I can't remember the third thing.  I usually can't remember the second thing, either, and it's not at all unusual to totally forget the whole topic.

For my trip home I've apparently found it productive or pleasurable or a combination of the two to think about all of the ways in which my family has mistreated me and to not think about all of the wonderful things they've done for me in the past.  This is kind of my M.O.: concentrate on the negative while ignoring the positive.  Old Francis was on the right track - I'm never going to get it all going in the right direction as long as I'm focusing on what other people have done or have not done to me instead of the other way around.  

I'm looking at the behavior of the wrong person when I'm not looking at my own behavior.

I've also been pondering how a good day is made up of a lot of good little actions.  Sometimes I'll walk up to someone - a clerk or an assistant or a member of The Program and think: "I'm not in that good of a mood so why the hell should I be nice to this person?"  It seems like my world will be exactly the same whether or not I act like a dick every now and then, and it sure is a lot easier and a lot more fun to act like a dick.

That's not how it works.