Obsession!

I confess to being a little obsessed with meditation at the moment.  For a guy who is obsessed with just about everything this isn't a bad obsession as obsessions go but I think it kind of misses the point of meditation.

That being said I'm recognizing how all of The Promises come true for people who are diligent in the application of The Steps in their lives.  I see it in old timers but I also see it in people who are working The Steps.  That's what we do in our Twelve Step program to get better - we don't think it's the only way to get sober and have a nice life but it is what we know.  I have been very aware of the suggestion that "we will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us."   That used to be all situations for me - they all baffled me.  I had no idea what the hell was going on ever.

Obsession:  A compulsive or irrational preoccupation; an unhealthy fixation.

Anyway, I find if I spend that time each day trying to meditate that my life runs more smoothly.  And I find that it makes very little difference whether or not I think I'm doing it right - it's taking the action that brings the benefit.  Even if I sit down for 20 minutes and can barely get my head to stop spinning for one single breath I still feel better when I'm done.  It's the trying that's important.  It's like exercise for me - when I wasn't exercising I decided that I wanted to run a competitive marathon.  I knew this was total bullshit so I didn't get off the couch to walk around the block, even though that would have been better than lying on the couch drinking malt liquor and smoking dope.  Today I'm in pretty good shape, but I still couldn't finish a marathon if you strapped a jet engine onto my back.  It took awhile to get to this point - I had to start, I had to make the effort.

I'm not flawless in my intuition but I'm in the game.  If I'm in the hall and it's dark and I open a door and a blast of heat hits me and I'm nearly deafened by the screams of some really horrible demons, I close the door and move further into the blackness.  And if I open the next door and there's a Donovan tape on and I see butterflies and a mountain of ice cream sundaes I think: "OK.  OK.  Maybe I'll go into this one."  

Yeah.  Ice cream sundaes.