Honest? Really?

I am in the middle of the vetting process so that I can be a recovery volunteer in the jail system here in The New City.  It has been surprisingly rigorous although this should make sense.  The law probably looks askance at unprepared outsiders staggering around their system, especially ones like me who think they know everything about everything, always.


Anyway, the application asked for the names, phone numbers, and addresses of two personal references.  I put down the names of two buddies from The Program, one of them my New City sponsor.  I listed their names and phone numbers accurately - they're people I'm in touch with frequently - but I totally made up their addresses which I didn't feel like looking up.  I hate jumping through hoops to provide information that no one will ever look at, being an efficient German peasant, although the lying part is in direct conflict with my Teutonic inclination to honesty.  I'm not even going to talk about the importance of honesty in my Program based recovery.  Just because it's on my anniversary coin or mentioned about 1000 times in The Steps doesn't mean it's important.  


"Grumble, grumble," I grumbled, looking up the correct addresses.  The application was annoyingly long as it was.  They asked some weird questions, including my favorite color, and also what I would do if one of the inmates interrupted a meeting by banging their hand on the desk, standing up, and approaching me menacingly.


"If what happened now?" I asked.  

The program coordinator, of course, mails out two applications to my two references.  I was glad that I took the time to look up the correct addresses,  although one of the guys told me that he hadn't had to lie this extensively on a legal document in a long time, and he seemed to be thoroughly enjoying himself as he said it.

The coordinator told me that the two references were almost identical, a fact that surprised me.  Both of them mentioned a sense of humor and I'm glad to hear that.  It's a trait that I'm proud of although I'm not sure that taking a great deal of pleasure in making sarcastic comments until someone is on the verge of tears qualifies as much of a strength.


Both references also mentioned my honesty.  I almost laughed out loud.  This is a term that is often used to describe me and it always surprises me since I consider myself a world class liar.  I believe that the concept of honesty as applied to me means that I'm open abut my mistakes and my shortcomings, and I'm honest about how I'm feeling.  This helps me the most, of course, because I never want to be complacent about where I am in my recovery and in my spiritual growth.  


Proud, yes; confident, certainly; smug, NEVER!