Bad Furious

I have been doing way too many inventories on my financial mental health lately.  The irony would be to juxtapose these inventories with the little speeches I perform so often in meetings: "I've really done a lot of good work on my fear of financial insecurity.  It just isn't an issue for me that often anymore."  Apparently, I think that sounds good at meetings even though it's more of a lie than anything, because when someone or something tries to extract some of my money from me, fairly or otherwise, then my fear of financial insecurity resurfaces with the fury of something really furious.  Bad furious.

The whole car damage thing has put me into the position of petitioning large corporations who didn't get large by giving money to people like me.  They have more money than I do and they can afford to be patient.  "Shhh," they say.  "Turn out the lights.  Don't answer the door.  Maybe he'll go away."  When it's time for me to give them some of my money, however, then they're efficient and timely and they always provide nice envelopes for me so that I can mail my money to them.  They take credit cards and accept wire transfers, too, and they'll even do me the favor of removing money directly from my checking account, as a convenience for me,  saving me the hard work of mailing them a check for what is actually the correct amount in the envelope they send along with the bill.

And when I start to write about money, then I start to see how fragile and defensive my huge ego really is.  These large corporations don't care how important I am, and they're not treating me with respect and honor.  And I'm sure that they aren't doing this to anyone else, either.  They have specifically singled me out.  "Look, it's Horseface," they say.  "Let's take some of his money then pretend we're not home."

SuperK and I have been pawing through all of the crap that made the cut and ended up in the New City.  Mostly, it's crap.  Mostly, we should have left 75% of the stuff we brought in the Old City, along with all of the other crap that we did leave there, hard as it was to give up even though I can't remember what any of it was and haven't missed ANYTHING since I got here.  I haven't said: "Hey, SuperK, have you seen coat number 8 of the 12 winter coats I had, even though the climate here is much milder and I don't need any winter coats at all?"

Not much of a problem for me, indeed.