This Wack-Job I Know Who Might Also Be a Dabbler

I know a guy in Ventura A.A. who has been sober forever.  Granted, a good chunk of this time he was dry rather than sober - a not insignificant difference - but he hasn't had a drink in 45 years.  That's a long time.  I don't care what kind of weird wack-job you are it's impressive for an alcoholic to not drink and drug for such a long stretch.  I love this guy and I tell him that, but he's still pretty much a wack-job to this day and if you tell him that he's a wack-job right to his face he'll laugh it off and say: "Sounds about right."  He's got good things to say for the most part and his independence, his insistence to blaze his own trail, is a comfort and an inspiration to many people.

Here's where we diverge: he insists periodically that it's therapeutic to take a year off of attending meetings.  I guess.  Who knows what works for other people?  His rationale is that he finds himself hiding out in The Rooms instead of doing the work that he needs to be doing on himself.  I guess my opinion is that you can do both simultaneously but I will grant you that I see A.A. members on a regular basis who go to a ton of meetings while not doing any of the grinding work necessary for recovery, and I don't as a rule find my relationships with them very satisfying.  They're dabblers; dabblers in the recovery world. 

Dabble:  To take part in an activity in a casual or superficial way.

Actually, as I think about it, Superficial Seaweed would be an excellent nickname.  Or maybe just The Dabbler.  As in, "Hey I saw The Dabbler at a meeting yesterday!"

Back to my rant . . . which is that in forty years of attending meetings I have never, ever, not once, heard another person state that he was going to take a year away from A.A. meetings to "work on himself."  Not saying that doesn't work or that it doesn't work for my friend but I would call it a pretty extreme approach.  The issue for me is that from time to time someone who's new will take up this banner and charge off into a "no meetings for a year" phase when I feel that is rarely a good idea for an alcoholic, particularly a new one.  And I say this fully aware of the searing irony of my insistence that we should all be free to follow whatever path to recovery that makes sense and works for us individually.  Apparently, except for taking a year off to work on yourself.  I know, I know . . . I'm a hypocrite.

This train of thought came about in the light of my relationship with the foster home guy I wrote about recently.  I don't think he's in any position to take a year off meetings.  But what do I know?  We're friends.  I'm not his keeper or parole agent.  All I can do is talk to him and hope that my wisdom hits a nerve.  Or doesn't hit a nerve at all  because I'm not the guy at this time and place who is put on this earth to give him advice or direction.