Sometimes you just have to grind it out. Sweat and grit. This is a term used for football players: "He's a grinder." It can be a good quality and it can be a bad quality. I'm trying to quit coffee at the moment and it's hard. I don't drink it because I need to wake up - I drink it because it gives me a charge, a buzz, I feel different after I drink it and for me different is the attraction. I've needed to quit for the longest time. I make plans and then I fuck around with the system to try to get around the fact that I need to quit - I mix in decaf or I try black tea or I wait until later in the day before I have my first cup. Some of these provide a temporary solution but the Creep inevitably returns. Part of the reason is when I greatly reduce my consumption of a psychoactive substance my tolerance goes down so the next time I use it an outsized reaction occurs, which I like, and the substance begins drawing me further down the rabbit hole.
There was a woman on the Zoom meeting today who was having trouble with her internet connection. It was pretty trippy. Her voice would slow way down, get real deep and low, as her computer buffered, and then the lagging audio would squirt out in a high, fast Chipmunk voice. It was cool. Very psychedelic.
"For we can neither think nor act to good purpose until the habit of self-restraint has become automatic." Step 10, P. 91.
Whew. The word "automatic" indicates that we have to do a lot of failing and a lot of practice until this happens.
Good phrase: I have lots of excuses and no reasons.
I'm not going to be comfortable in this life until I develop the willingness to admit when I'm wrong AND to forgive when the fault lies with another.
Whew. My friends were killing me with wisdom this morning.
No comments:
Post a Comment