Instincts In Collision While Also Rampaging And Balking At Investigation

Calm:  Peaceful, quiet, especially free from anger and anxiety.

"The most subtle of all temptations is the seeming success of the wicked.  It requires moral courage to see, without flinching, material prosperity coming to men who are dishonest; to see politicians rise into prominence, power and wealth by trickery and corruption; to see virtue in rags and vice in velvets; to see ignorance at a premium, and knowledge at a discount.  To the man who is really calm these puzzles of life do not appeal.  He is living his life as best he can; he is not worrying about the problems of justice, whose solution must be left to Omniscience to solve."  William George Jordan "The Majesty of Calmness

Boy, I'd like to be a billionaire.  THAT would be really great.

Boy, if I were a billionaire I would do a lot of really great things.  Like kill myself with illegal substances.  I would be a train wreck with a lot of money.  I'm doing fine.  Who wears a $1000 shirt, anyhow?  I'd spill coffee on it.

It is not always easy to understand that a calm life well-lived, in service to man and my higher power, not seeking attention or to be in the spotlight, demonstrating love and kindness that usually isn't recognized . . .  it's not always easy doing this.

Me!  Me!  Look at me!!

Those pesky instincts - sex, money, and power - are not easy to control and impossible to completely eliminate.  

In Step Four in the 12&12 they're termed "God-given" and later on we're reminded that they can ". . . exceed their proper function."

"Instincts on rampage balk at investigation."  (Ed. Note: "Instincts on Rampage" would be an EXCELLENT name for a heavy metal band.)

"Instincts restored to true purpose."

"Whenever a human being becomes a battleground for the instincts, there can be no peace."

"We have learned that the satisfaction of instincts cannot be the sole end and aim of our lives.  If we place instincts first, we have got the cart before the horse; we shall be pulled backward into disillusionment.  When the satisfaction of our instincts for sex, security, and society becomes the sole object of our lives, then pride steps in to justify our excesses."

Pride:  A high or inordinate opinion of one's own dignity, importance, merit, or superiority, whether as cherished in the mind or as displayed in bearing, conduct, etc.

Boy, I'm not comfortable with that "as cherished in the mind" part.  Apparently my walking around obsessing about what a giant on the earth I am qualifies as pride even though I try not to display this smug knowledge to all of the life forms swirling around my being.  I do like that "opinion" is in there.  It doesn't say "Knowledge of my own high dignity, importance, merit, and superiority."

"By now the newcomer has probably arrived at the following conclusions: that his character defects, representing instincts gone astray (Ed. Note: "Instincts Gone Astray" would be another EXCELLENT name for a heavy metal band), have been the primary cause of his drinking and his failure at life; that unless he is now willing to work hard at the elimination of the worst of these defects, both sobriety and peace of mind will still elude him; that all the faulty foundation of his life will have to be torn out and built anew on bedrock."

Sum that bastard up.  I should note that almost all of these quotes are from Step Four in the 12&12, leading me to believe that the inventory process is going to be crucial in determining why I have been such a dick.

I'll conclude with this: "Instincts in Collision" would be one more EXCELLENT name for a heavy metal band.