Givers and Takers

Give:  To present voluntarily and without expecting compensation.  

Ouch.  WTF?  Yowser.  

Take:  To get into one's hands, possession or control, with or without force.

Seventh month so we'll be studying the Seventh Tradition at our Step meeting.  Giving money to be self-supporting assures our independence from outside organizations.  We pay our rent so no church or other group can tell us what to do because we're paying the freight.  

I like that our Steps (our personal directions) suggest that we're going to be happiest when we're giving freely of ourselves, of our experience, strength, and hope, and our Traditions (our collective directions) suggest we should open up our wallets just a little so The Program can exist.

All of this giving bullshit is still mostly counter-intuitive to me.  I still mostly don't get it intellectually.  I think: "Wait a minute - I'm going to give you something and you're not going to give me anything back?  That means you're the winner and I'm the loser."  (Ed. Note: I hate being the loser.  The whole world view of the Type A is to be the winner.)

A huge spiritual principle: a life lived in service to others is a deeply satisfying life.  A life lived in pursuit of one's own interests is hollow, shallow, meaningless.  This basic principle is found in every religion and philosophy and spiritual practice that has come into existence with any staying power at all.  Look around you - are the people with the most stuff the happiest?  I went to this really fancy high school with a lot of really rich people and they weren't any happier than the people who lived on my blue collar street.

I always have to bring out the coffee story when I think of giving . . . I was bouncing in and out of The Program, showing up late, leaving early, not talking to anyone, not staying sober, when a guy who saw what I was doing suggested I take the coffee commitment for a month.

"I don't drink coffee in the evening," I said with a straight face.  An oblivious straight face.  I wasn't trying to be witty or snide - I truly didn't understand his point.  

I was lucky that the dude was kind.

"Well, maybe you could make the coffee for the people who drink it in the evening.  So they can visit before the meeting," he said.

Oh.  So I took the commitment.  I was terrified, of course, unaware that as long as the coffee was hot and strong and present it would be OK.  And, of course, getting there early to make the coffee and staying late to clean up forced me to start . . . you know . . . talking to other people.  And the resentments I developed when I wasn't commended about how good the coffee was or thanked for swabbing out the disgusting coffee pot helped me learn about the principle of selfless giving.  I was doing something nice for someone else with no expectation of a reward.

I was Giving.