"So . . . something to think about in the next day or two. And I'm going to talk to a few of my AA friends, including the estimable Shorty who has a ton of codependency experience.
Dad is drinking all day. He gets up and pours a beer immediately. He doesn't try to hide it from me even though I've told him it drives me out of the apartment. I don't know what kind of access he has to liquor but he's knocking back a six pack a day, no small amount for an 86 year old man. He's not getting sloshed - he's just putting on a comfortable buzz. We call this Maintenance Drinking in The Fellowship.
He isn't eating. He has not been down to one meal since I've been here and has no interest in having the food delivered. He'll eat a little if I fix it but he doesn't fix anything for himself beyond PB and crackers or half a banana, maybe Ensure. He reads me the menu everyday before proclaiming that he's not eating any of that. I mention the deli where they'll prepare and deliver anything but that goes nowhere.
He hasn't bathed since I've been home. I've asked him several times if he needs help and he postpones, postpones, postpones, then says it's too late and he'll wait until tomorrow. I did his laundry and he had a couple of T-shirts and a couple of pair of underwear, so I'm not sure he's changing clothes.
There are two schools of thought in The Program about these situations (and it's always easier when it's someone else's problem): confront the individual and try to get them help or let them find their own path. Many problem drinkers don't want help and it's impossible to give it to them if they don't want it.
I'm sorry to have to send this - I just want you to understand what I'm seeing from ground zero. Maybe he'll spin out of it on his own; maybe he'll keep doing what he's doing now and live for 20 years; maybe he's had enough. Sometimes people have just had enough.
Yeech."
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