Buddies

I spent a little time talking with one of my buddies after the meeting yesterday.  He's in the same class as me -  someone who got sober at roughly the same time as I did.  I get help from old timers and from new people but I especially enjoy a nice synergy with guys who stumbled in about the same time as I did.  We go through a lot of the same things at the same time in recovery and it builds a real bond.

This guy is a friend; this means he gets to hear my opinions.  I don't tell him what to do but I tell him what I think he should do from time to time.  As we are all aware, there is nothing more precious, more cherished than unsolicited advice.  The saving grace is that I expect my friends to do the same with me.  I don't want to spend any more time listening to people tell me what I want to hear.  When I took that kind of advice I usually ended up passed out on the floor - it wasn't great advice what with the overkill and mixing of different substances and the like.  I don't always like the unsolicited advice that I get and sometimes it pisses me off but that's OK - it doesn't change the friendship.  I get over it.  When I was drinking I didn't get over anything.  If you pissed me off then you were put on The List.  Once on The List it was nearly impossible to get off The List.  The List was the Siberian Gulag of Seaweed relationships although I'm not sure that banishment to that frozen tundra was all that upsetting to very many people.

My friend was going to see a movie and then eat dinner with his son.  His son picked the movie and suggested a restaurant.  My friend told me that he was going to veto the restaurant selection seeing as he didn't get to pick the movie.  I assumed this drunken stumble bum was lucky to be spending quality time with his kid, so I said: "Go to the restaurant he picked."

I could see that he didn't care for the suggestion.  Actually, it wasn't because I was picking up any subtle clues; it was more along the lines of him telling me he didn't like the advice, tossing in a handful of very, very bad words.  He was laughing but I could tell he was pissed.  I didn't tell what he should do - I told him what I thought he should do, assuming that he would do whatever the #$!! he wanted to do anyway.

He sent me a note the next day: the movie sucked and they ate where his kid wanted to eat.  He thanked me for my advice.  I don't know that he wouldn't have done what I suggested on his own.  I certainly had no idea what he should do.