An Honest Lie

Truth:  That which is true; statement, etc., which accords with fact or reality.

The topic at the meeting this morning was honesty.  The sub-topic was how our searching and fearless written moral inventory can help us see how dishonest we have been, both in our relationships with others and in how we perceive ourselves.

The discussion, of course, centered around lying.  Alcoholics usually take a positive topic and explore it from the darkest side imaginable.  I love talking about lying and I'm telling the truth when I say that, which is no mean feat for me.  I don't enjoy talking about eliminating faults by working the 12 Steps nearly as much.

It can be hilarious listening to people who have spent their entire lives evading the truth try to explain how they have changed their behavior.  I think if you could receive a doctoral degree in Lying I'd currently be at Harvard, and not as a student: I'd be an instructor teaching advanced courses.  It would be almost impossible to get in my classes. 

I try not to lie today.  I try not to lie all the time, anyway.  The fact of the matter is that I hate getting caught in a lie a lot more than I love telling the truth.  I'm a good liar.  I enjoy lying and I have worked hard at my craft over the years.  I have a natural aptitude for it.  Really, I haven't tried to whittle down my lying for any other reason than I hate to make the amends when someone catches me in the lie.

George Costanza famously said: "Remember: it's not a lie if you believe it."  It has been a lot easier eliminating the conscious lies I used to tell other people than coming to grips with the lies I told myself.  Boy, could I justify some really awful things.  I had convinced myself, for instance,  that when I was drinking no one knew about it, or that I was only hurting myself, or that my faults were really my reaction to the bad behavior of other people.

In the Costanza episode, Jerry was trying to beat a police lie detector machine, and he asked George to teach him how to lie.   George snorted, and said: "That's like saying to Pavarotti: 'Teach me to sing like you.' "  I know what he meant.

Most of this aimless rant has been in good fun.  While I really do try to be honest today, both with others and with myself, I find that simple exaggerations or overstatements pop out of my mouth before I know what happened.  I have to apply just a little more icing or scrape off just a touch more dirt.  I have to be a little bit better than I really am.

The best thing about telling the truth is that I don't have to remember what I said anymore.

Just the facts, ma'am, just the facts.