Being Productive

And if I often doubt whether or not I'm Doing It Right, I'm always wary that I'm not Being Productive.  I have a big control panel that makes me worry about not spending my time wisely.  

I think part of this can be traced to the German peasant in me.  My make-up is to get things done.  As an abstraction that in itself is OK; I make it a defect from time to time by asking too much of myself and the world.  I can't be productive all of the time even if I tried, and it's not in my best interest to push myself like that.  If I could get by without sleeping, for instance, I could be a lot more Productive.  I surmise that the first few days without any sleep I'd get a lot accomplished but I'm guessing that my efficiency would start to drop off rapidly.  I've heard of studies where individuals go without sleep for as long as they can so that scientists can observe what happens.  I believe that after just a few days sleep deprived individuals begin to approach a state that is indistinguishable from clinical psychosis.  They begin to hallucinate up gorillas and shit which actually sounds pretty cool.

And I think part of this can be attributed to all the years I spent sitting on my ass, drunk and stoned.  I think a lot of us are vaguely bedeviled by a need to make up for lost time.  If I want to sit in front of the boob tube, for instance, and watch a basketball game, I feel a little uneasy.  I watched a LOT of basketball games that I can't remember a thing about when I was drinking.  A part of me is sure that I've used up my quota of basketball games.  Again, it's not a bad impulse to want to get outside instead of staying glued to the set, but it's not a tragedy to watch some sports.