Attack of The Gas Monsters

Remediate:  (Ed. note: not a word.)

When buying real estate one of the most popular "defects" to find is the existence of radon gas in your house.  There are a million companies who will put equipment in place at no charge to you, the buyer, to detect this colorless, odorless gas that may or may not affect your health.  "They" aren't even sure your health would be affected if you sat around sucking down 100% radon gas through a sterilized network of surgical tubing connected to the kind of face mask you would wear if you were in a room full of weaponized leprosy particulate.  

Naturally the people who detect radon then "remediate" the radon.  They hook up a cheesy looking device which may or may not be connected to anything and take some "readings."  Then they spirit away the device to "interpret" the results somewhere else.  As the seller you aren't invited to attend the gala reading party.  I bet they detect the presence of radon gas.  Why wouldn't they?  It's in their best interests to find some.  I'm not in the mood to pay a thousand dollars to fix a problem that I don't care about for the peace of mind of someone who has offered me too little money for my house.

I have spent a lot of time, of course, holding furious power-driven arguments in my head with my real estate agent, the house buyers, and anyone else who can't get away from me when I'm complaining.  I'm telling them how it's going to be.  I'm countering their arguments with air-tight reasoning and iron-clad logic.  It's never a good sign when I'm arguing out loud with someone who isn't there about something that might never happen.  It's a poor use of my time.  I'm still not sure why I like to do it so much.

Super K sticks her head in my office: "Who are you yelling at in there?"
"What?" I say innocently.
She rolls her eyes: "I thought you were on the phone.  The cat isn't even in here.  At least you could pretend you're yelling at the cat."
"I like the cat," I say.  "I never yell at the cat.  The cat uses irrefutable logic on virtually every topic."

I wonder if anything will come of this.