And the Survey Says!!

Find:  To happen on; come upon; meet with; discover by chance.

And so the inspection report comes back. 

This is a report that a "qualified inspector" hired by house buyers puts together to scare the shit out of everybody.  I'm assuming they always find a bunch of problems.  That's what they're being hired to do: to find problems.  I can imagine I wouldn't be too happy shelling out $500 for some guy who says: "Eh.  Looks pretty good to me." 

Interestingly enough they do a great job of finding things that might be a problem some day.  Maybe I should become a house inspector -- it sounds like a great job for an alcoholic.  I have a long storied history as a decorated Worrier and Problem Finder.  I wouldn't even go into the house.  I'd just stand on the curb and start weeping and screaming.  Maybe I'd carry around a silver cross that I'd thrust in the direction of the accursed, doomed dwelling.

"Just run away," I'd say to the buyers.  "Run as fast and as far as you can."
"That'll be $500," I'd add.

I'm a prophet, for chrissake.  That didn't take much work to get done.  I can't imagine that it's going to be harder to become certified as a house inspector than to become a certified prophet.  I have a laminated business card that says I'm a prophet. 

You can't get more official than that.

I guess I should have seen this coming.  I really am a pretty poor prophet.