Banker Dan

And then I think about my relationships with people and how rich they can be and also how disappointing.

I run into my friend Banker Dan a few times a week at early morning meetings. Even though I've only known him 5 or 6 years he's more dialed into my daily life than my birth family. A lot of people are interested in me to the extent that it directly affects them. They don't remember to ask how I'm doing or what I say if they do. I don't want to suggest that they don't care or are acting in an especially egregious manner. People are naturally egocentric, to varying degrees, and it takes practice and effort to change that.

A few months ago Dan had a couple of biggish things going on in his life. When we got together, I remembered to ask him how things were going, and he talked. I really don't care that much about what's going on in other people's lives so this is an unnatural act on my part. For a few weeks, he didn't ask about me and this is how it should be. While he was handling these situations in a sane, acceptable manner, they weren't insignificant. I expected him to want and need to talk, and I genuinely wanted to know how he was doing.

After a bit the pressure on Banker Dan lessened, mostly because stuff works out on their own accord and not due to any brilliant maneuvering on his part. Recently, the shoe has been on the other foot, whatever that means. Now he has been asking how I'm doing and it feels good to talk about it. There's something about repeating the same story over and over that takes away a lot of its power. In fact, I've told the story to so many people, who have asked and then listened, that it's starting to get boring even to me. It's losing its significance.

I'm getting saner in no small part because guys like Banker Dan are listening.