I Can Always Make Matters Worse

Worse:  More bad.

I try to talk to someone in recovery on the phone every day.  I know I'm nuts but I can cover this craziness under thick, oozing layers of denial and self-justification - talking to another person who knows me is a great governor on my Bullshit Machine.  I rang up a guy I sponsor yesterday who is following the time-honored Fellowship tradition of never picking up the phone and calling his sponsor.  Huzzah! I say.  Good for you.  Millions have unsuccessfully trod this path already but maybe you have the key to success.

Anyway, per usual, I caught someone who was dealing with a lot of stuff and really needed to talk.  I really need to listen, as a general rule - it gives me a short break from my constant self-absorbed musings.  All well and good.  He suggested a coffee after the meeting today and I explained that the dog-sitting is kind of time-consuming early in the morning so I didn't think I'd attend.  All well and good, too, and he understood completely.  Then I decided I'd go further into the reasoning - my reasoning - as to why the dude who owns the dog is acting like such a dickish piece of shit.  He did not ask to hear this information and there was no reason for me to bring it up except that I wanted to discharge my self-righteous bile about the whole situation.  

The great thing I do before I gossip is that I tell the person who is going to be subjected to the gossip that I never do it.  There is some reasoning behind this but it's so shallow and flimsy as to not bear repeating.  The courts are full of criminals today explaining why there was a perfectly acceptable reason for them to break the law.  I don't feel terrible about the gossip.  I do set a high standard for my behavior and I fail often, but I'm giving it a shot.  I'm trying to get better without expecting perfection.  Still, it wasn't admirable behavior so I apologized to my sponsee quickly.

If I hear someone tell tales about another person behind their back, I never divulge anything personal to the gossiper.  I keep my distance.  If that person is comfortable talking about someone else behind their back why wouldn't he be comfortable talking about me behind my back?

So I wonder how my sponsee views me now?  As a guy who made a mistake and is honestly trying to correct it?  Or as a gossiper?