Suffused With Insanity

Insane:  Exhibiting unsoundness or disorder of mind; characterized by the utmost folly.

My belief is that there was some kind of divine providence associated with the writing of The Big Book.  I don't want this to sound too mystical or religous-ey, either.  I think divine inspiration happens all the time - look at Galileo or Michelangelo or Hemingway or Picasso or Beethoven - that kind of beauty is beyond the scope of human capability.  I'm of the opinion that something was going on that was too big to be fully formed in the minds of our founders.

So I believe that the words that are found in our literature are important.  I think a Power Greater Than Ourselves was helping the writers along.  And I think that there was a great deal of collaboration among a larger circle of the original members.  These folks were hashing over each and every word and thought.  Yeah, I know I'm a word guy but still I ponder the meaning of a lot of the words I find.

To me insane means totally, bat-shit crazy.  Not goofy or silly but lacking basic soundness of mind and reason.  Making decisions that don't grasp the connection between intent and outcome.

"What were you thinking?"  How often did I hear that when I was drinking?

I have this problem with caffeine.  I have an exaggerated reaction to drinking caffeine - any caffeine - that is especially acute when I drink something with a high caffeine content, like the coffee I make it home.  Every day.  First thing in the morning.  The crux of the problem is that I so love the jolt it gives my body - I can feel my heart rate increase, my blood pressure go up, all of this lovely, lovely energy flowing into my susceptible mind, a great joyous sense of well-being suffusing suffusing suffusing . . . . 

See . . . this is not how normal people react to things.

So I sit there, jolted, perfectly aware that in a couple of hours I'll crash, that the physical effect on my body will be edgy nervousness, my joints tense, inflammation spreading, and I'll feel like shit.  It happens every time.  I can make the jolt and the dump more intense by adding sugar to this mess.

Why wouldn't I stop doing this?  It makes no sense whatsoever.