Rigorous Honesty

Rigorous:  Manifesting, exercising, or favoring rigour; allowing no abatement or mitigation; scrupulously accurate; exact; strict; severe; relentless.  

"They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty."

So I head off to my favorite Overpriced Specialty Coffee Drink Emporium to get my coffee today.  This establishment also sells a newspaper which I like to read but am not fond of . . . you know . . . actually paying for.  They offer access to the very same paper on-line.  This is OK if you like squinting at a little cell phone screen in the bright sunshine, which I do not.

So I've gotten in the habit of ordering my coffee, fixing it up with some kind of chemical which causes out-of-control tumor formation in lab rats, then picking up a newspaper and taking it outside with me, to read at my convenience.  I decline to offer any money for this service.  I'm a good customer, right?  It's really almost the same as reading it on-line, right?  The store has thoughtfully placed the newspaper stand right next to the door so that I can conveniently borrow it with a very low outlay of cash.  I just want to read the headlines.

Then . . . the newspaper stand moves.  Right next to the cashier.  The cashier can reach across the counter and touch the newspaper.  This caused me some brief consternation.  I'm guessing the store was losing newspapers to other enterprising ne'er-do-wells who don't thoughtfully return it when they're done reading it even though this isn't a fucking library.

Now, I'm not a thief.  I never stole stuff.  I'd like to say it was out of some higher moral principle but I suspect mostly I was afraid of being caught.  But on day two I bought my coffee and lingered at the counter a beat until the cashier looked away, then tucked a newspaper under my arm.  It was a furtive move on my part but not outrageously so.  I chatted with the servers, holding the newspaper, not hiding it, got my drink and went outside, where I read it as if nothing had changed.

I confess to a little thrill.  I can see how people steal things.  It's not that difficult.  I don't know why this surprises me - I'm a liar par excellance.  

Rigorous honesty - it's right in "How It Works" for chrissake.