False Information Given Intentionally

Lie:    To give false information intentionally (verb).
           An intentionally false statement; a statement intended to deceive, even if literally true                  (noun).

This moving thing is causing me all kinds of emotional problems.  My ability to handle massive change has greatly improved but, once again, I'm unable to rise above the human condition.  I'm better but I'm not great.  I'm getting good, slowly.

I left my beloved car with relatives in Vacation City.  These are good people, kind people, who drive me to distraction.  It's not so much their behavior - which isn't that bad - but my reaction to their behavior.  Both of them fall firmly in the category of people Who Do Exactly What They Want.  This doesn't make them bad people.  A little selfish, maybe, but that's hardly an indictable offense.  I know something about being selfish.  Complicating matters a bit in this case is their tendency to get pissy when they Don't Get To Do Exactly What They Want.

They agreed to let me park my car on their property while I was away in The New City wrapping up my affairs.  I offered to wedge the thing in an unobtrusive corner of their large lot but they waved me off cheerily.  I offered to plug the car into an electrical outlet to keep the battery charged . . . or to let them drive the car once or twice to accomplish the same thing.  It's a nice car so they seemed eager to take it for a spin.

I was uneasy doing this.  I'm a car guy.  I don't think I'm much of a stuff guy but I am a car guy.  If I won the lottery I'd be down at the Ferrari dealership that afternoon buying a convertible in every available color.  I repeated myself to my relatives: it would be enough to drive the car once or twice.  They know about me and cars - they joked about it a few times before I left.

A few nights ago I got an email from them asking what kind of fuel I put in the car.  This upset me.  I had left the car with a full tank.  I stewed about it for a few days.  I was embarrassed about being upset over a thing but we all have our unimportant things to be upset about.  I wish I could let everything roll off my back but I'm sure as shit not there yet.  I think I would have been sorta kinda OK with it if I hadn't been under the duress of the move, a stressful thing under the best of circumstances.  I didn't leave the car there for them to use - I left it there so I could fly home.  I wasn't sure how much they were actually driving it.  I didn't want them to drive it at all.  Any driving was too much.

I thought about calling and saying something along the lines of: "Quit driving the fucking car." That seemed to be an over the top reaction so I opted for the white lie - I told them I had temporarily suspended the insurance to save money as we transferred the policies from The New City to Vacation Town.  I asked them to quit driving the car.

This was a bad move on so many levels that there isn't enough digital storage on all the servers on earth to hold it.  Telling a lie never works out for me even when my motives are good.  I just wanted them to stop driving the car - which they were doing against my clearly articulated wishes, being People Who Do Exactly What They Want To Do.  I didn't want a confrontation; I didn't want them to feel bad; I wanted them to simply do what they had agreed to do.  No more and no less.

After I sent the note to them I called the next day under the guise of wishing my cousin a happy birthday.  "What luck," I thought.  "A good reason to check up on the effectiveness of my lie."  My cousin called me out immediately.  As a general rule I don't lie very often mostly because I hate getting caught in the lie.  The lying itself I still enjoy doing and I have demonstrated some real talent in that area to go along with my considerable experience, the above botched lie notwithstanding.

And my cousin wouldn't let me off the hook.  She made a series of jokes about it.  Poking at someone who is uncomfortable is a marginal business, especially when the joke has hooked barbs.  I know I do it - I plow into someone I want to wound under the cloak of humor.  Sarcasm: Hate with a smile.  The kind thing to do would have been to leave the lie unmentioned when it wasn't hurting anyone.  Probing it with white hot needles was unnecessary.  She wanted me to be uncomfortable but not have to take any responsibility for it.  Frankly, Id' rather have someone tell me to piss off than pretend that everything's OK.

When I suspend my car insurance it saves me X dollars per month so part of my lie - this always happens to lies: they get more involved and complicated and hard to remember - was mentioning the amount of money I would have saved by cancelling the insurance had I actually cancelled the insurance.  Hopefully, I've established the fact that this is lie part.

Ah.  So this was about money.  She was not doing me a favor - she was providing a service that she expected to be compensated for.  I misunderstood.  I like doing favors.  They make me feel good.  I don't expect anything in return.  That's a transaction.  If I don't want to actually do a  favor I don't' offer to do the favor.  I say no.  It's not complicated.  I've learned that when I'm unsure about something the best answer is always No because it can be more easily changed to Yes than the other way around.

I do take full responsibility here.  I told the lie.  There's no nuance to the word.

More about the money tomorrow. . . .