Familia

One of the most famous stories in our main text is about this dude who owned a pair of Reverse Glasses when he was drinking. This particular pair of spectacles magnified defects and marginalized attributes. I have owned a few pairs of glasses like that in my time. I'm very good at noticing defects but only when they're not my defects. I'm oblivious to any shortcomings I may have -- and I'm emphasizing the may part. I'm not admitting to anything. I can't see where I fall short and I don't think anyone else notices either. I can pick up the slightest flaw in sombody at 500 paces, in a blinding ice-storm, as I pass over in a supersonic jet breaking the sound barrier.

I am aware of the fact that I inherited my father's prickly temper and my mother's tendency to pessimism and melancholia. That woman can generate fear where no fear has existed before. When I'm with my family I'm hyper-aware of these tendencies, which makes me mad, then afraid, then depressed. Talk about buttons being pushed. Eventually, if I'm not careful, all I can see are the defects, which is hardly fair to these good and decent people. It's like when I'm at a meeting and someone I can't stand starts to talk. I can't block out even one word. It's very frustrating.

The funny thing is that I'm really pretty happy with the person that I've become in my sobriety, and my folks are obviously a big part of this. If you install the crappy buttons you also install the cool buttons. I can't blame someone else for my defects while taking the credit for all of the good things. Well, I can, and I do, but I shouldn't.

I've been trying to step back and concentrate on the positive.