Helpful Gossip Only

Gossip: A person who chatters or repeats idle talk and rumors about others.

Shorty gave me a call the other day to ask my advice -- which should give you some idea about the quality of his sobriety -- about some advice a guy we know was giving to another guy we know. I don't think that we were gossiping, although that is something we like to do. We're pretty good at it. We practice a lot. And we know that the only way to make this type of defect any more enjoyable is to congratulate ourselves for never gossiping. We do that, too, with a beautiful sense of self-righteous oblivion.

One of the really cool things about gossip is that you can just make stuff up. It's like blogging in that regard. For instance, does anyone really believe that someone as improbable as Shorty could really exist? And if someone like that did haunt this earth, would I have anything to do with him? I'm better than that. I exist on a higher plane.

No doubt about it -- when engaging in gossip the truth is not required. If you can make yourself feel better by soiling the good name of another, then I say why bother with the facts? Make the person despicable so that you'll really feel like a Big Man or Big Woman, depending on your own personal circumstances. Hey, if I want, when I'm gossiping, I can dress up in women's clothes and feel like a Big Man in women's clothes. As long as you don't really care about personal integrity or living a spiritual life gossiping can be quite enjoyable.

I wanted to write about something else. I only have a vague recollection of what.